When my husband rewired the house and I almost electrocuted myself I decided to kill him. My predicament's my own fault. I knew my husband was hooked on sleeper programs. I never knew it'd get this bad.

It was her second favorite night of the year, the Friday night that fell just before Christmas. She cruised the highways leaving the city, her black vulture wings blotting out the moon, as scudding clouds moved in to add to the darkness. A turkey vulture, she had a well developed sense of smell,

I think the greatest environmental threat to the human race is if super smart pandas had lasers and they came down from space where aliens trained them to be smart, but also shoot lasers. This would be a drastic change of environment. Because it would be a bear, which is harder to shoot than a person,

For many, the storm had assumed seriously biblical proportion within two days and nights, and any facetious talk about needing to build an ark was scuttled once the rain-swollen Sabine slipped its yoke and ran wild through the town.

I stood on the sidewalk between a busy urban street and a brick building with doors to a Mandarese restaurant, a beautician, and a pawn shop. At the far end of the block a small sign jutted out above a simple glass door.

"Army," it said.

The galleon returned from the New World loaded with corn, and the little country of Wolverton found a thousand and one uses for this new product: they ground it into flour and made porridge and bread; they made starch and oil and syrup; they ate it off the cob and washed it down with corn liquor;