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That's when she sprang it on me. "You should know I'm a witch," she said. "A good witch or an evil witch?" I asked, hoping like hell she wasn't really any kind of witch. Who needs shit like that in their life? Not me. She gave me this cold stare that sent a shiver right through me. "For people who piss me off, I'm an evil witch." Right then, I wanted to sprint through the door and never look back, but I was afraid. Especially after she told me she turned her last lover into an aardvark. An aardvark! I looked it up. It's some kind of freaking anteater. So now I'm scared to death I'm going to disappoint her. You know, say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or, God forbid, disappoint her in the bedroom. It's a lot of pressure. After some time passed and I hadn't seen her perform any magic, I began hoping she made the whole thing up. Then some poor policeman pulled us over for speeding. Somewhere on Route 102, thanks to my girlfriend, there's an aardvark running around with a badge and a gun. Please help me! |
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